January 12, 2022
Parents are crying out for help. Like, literally crying, yelling, and screaming.
Most recently I read of a group of 20 mothers in Boston who gathered outside of a local high school to stand socially distanced and scream.
Last fall, another group of mothers in New Jersey gathered (socially distanced) in a park to “scream their lungs out.”
Hearing the story of these mothers, The New York Times even set up a “Primal Scream” phone line where hundreds of moms have called in to yell, shout, vent, cry and curse.
But in response to the cries for help? The silence is deafening.
Even my own friend group of fellow moms is standing in solidarity with these screaming mothers. Recently, at a gathering of pre-school moms, a friend brought a cake that read: “We are so, so, so TIRED.” My favorite part?: The plastic knife stabbed through the top.
This confectionary sentiment summed up perfectly my (and all mothers’?) mental/physical/emotional state at this phase of the pandemic.
Just recently, after two years of fighting and sacrificing to keep my kids safe, I had to parent sick kids through COVID. Sure, we had our fair share of the logistical gymnastics of exposure quarantines and daycare closures like everyone else over the past two years. But nursing sick kiddos while finding tests, keeping up with CDC recommendations for different aged kids (vaxxed or unvaxxed based on eligibility) and finding work-arounds at work – it had me on fumes. And after two years of such caution and sacrifice to keep us well, sheer…defeat.
Moms are not OK.
There’s been no shortage of coverage about all the ways pandemic parenting is taking a toll
“Working moms are not okay,” “Working Moms Are Reaching The Breaking Point,” “COVID Parenting Has Passed the Point of Absurdity.”
Especially in the wake of the Omicron surge, things are particularly bleak for parents (like me) of the unvaccinated preschool set: “I See Signs of Despair From Parents of Kids Under 5, “The Agony of Parents With Kids Under 5,” “Parents and caregivers of young children say they’ve hit pandemic rock bottom.”
These (and many more) articles are chock-full of depressing statistics and alarming societal warning signs. Bad news now just for parents and families – and especially women and people of color – but for business, the economy and society at-large.
Where do we go from here?
What doesn’t appear to be a part of the conversation is what needs to change. How can we reimagine and rectify the rickety infrastructure that got us here? What societal systems and structures need to change? How can employers better support their people? How can we move beyond apathy into action?
1. Acknowledgement – To start, we need to acknowledge what parents are saying and feeling. We need to dig in and understand the root causes behind these issues. Especially the gender and racial inequities that create compounded challenges…. We need to feel seen and the imbalance recognized.
2. Early-Childhood Infrastructure – Childcare, which has always been a stress point for parents, has become unreliable. Unexpected closures due to COVID exposure or quarantines are leaving parents to their own devices to manage work and parenting – at the same time. And often, with little to no notice for coordinating with work or alternative childcare providers.
This quote from NPR sums it up best: “The people who take care of and educate children under 5 years old – both parents and providers – are in a special kind of hell right now. These children are too young to be vaccinated, and it’s difficult for them to wear masks consistently.”
Not to mention, the vaccine approval timelines for children under 5 is unclear and a seemingly moving target that’s getting no real national media coverage. Parents are lacking clarity here and feeling left behind.
As the same NPR articles stated: “The federal incentives for employers to offer paid leave ran out in September. And while the American Rescue Plan provided $24 billion in stabilization grants to child care programs in 2021, the Build Back Better plan, with its $400 billion in federal child care and preschool funding, is stalled in Congress.”
3. New Ways of Working – It’s time for employers should move beyond talking points and into real policy change. We have a once-in-a-generation opportunity to reimagine (vs. just return) to work. If you appreciate your team and care about their well-being, back up your talk with action. Don’t placate with platitudes. Be like Nike; they took their own advice to “Just Do It.” Instead of more “tips and tricks” for helping their burned out employees, they gave them a week off for mental well-being. (Also see: Sara Blakely and the plane tickets). Actions speak louder than words.
Employers have to do better. Meaningful acknowledgement, action and support.
4. Prioritize YOU – Fromone burnt out parent to the next, I think we should also be asking ourselves what can we do to release some of the stress? Societal, structural and policy changes are going to take time. So how can we, in light of the realities that we face today, evaluate how to prioritize our peace, sanity and self-care?
- Give voice to your own reality. Embrace being a truth-teller. Find solidarity with other parents in similar situations. Communicate with trusted leaders the flexibility you’ll need to meet deadlines (and when those deadlines will need to be extended).
- Let go of perfection. Adjust your expectations at home and work. Re-evaluate what’s essential. It may be time to recalibrate what’s feasible in times like these.
- Ask for help. Reach out for help when you need it. Explore back-up childcare solutions, or syncing calendars with your spouse to share childcare responsibilities during times when you have quarantining kids.
- Prioritize rest. Above all, prioritize you. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first. For many of us, we think of self-care as selfish, when in fact you’re modeling for your children how to prioritize their physical, mental and emotional health.
In closing, to all the other weary parents out there – you’re not alone. We’re connected in our common humanity and navigating pandemic parenting as best we can. Stay strong, stay caffeinated and when all else fails, just step outside and scream.
